


King of the Kitchen

by Miyukitty



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Crush, Bad Cooking, Bickering, Canon Compliant, Don't Try This At Home, Dumb boys are dumb, Fanart, Fic Exchange, Gen, I Ship It, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:15:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5431022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyukitty/pseuds/Miyukitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama glared cross-eyed at the photo on the phone display shoved just beneath his nose.</p><p>"That? That's called a pancake," he huffed.</p><p>Hinata smirked knowingly.</p><p>"Nuh-uh, it’s totally a flapjack."</p>
            </blockquote>





	King of the Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vinesse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinesse/gifts).



> _alt title: Kageyama has a Big Gay Crush on his teammate but only knows how to call him mean names_
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> Happy HQhols and happy holidays~ <3! I did a fic and an illustration (at the end) bc I love these dorks, but really haven't written them before? Hope this reads okay! :);; It's silly and it's pretty gen but I'm fond of the idea of KageHina being the last to know they're already dating, everyone else figured it out ages ago... 
> 
> And thanks to Kiriska for being a [kind and benevolent proofreader](https://twitter.com/Kiriska/status/675226014428094464) ٩(*ゝڡ◕๑)۶♥

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, Kageyama. What's a flapjack?"

 

Kageyama halted, navy-blue eyes narrowed. Hinata met the glare without flinching, although he did fidget with impatience when he didn't receive an answer right away.

 

"Is it on the English exam…?" Kageyama asked suspiciously after a moment.

 

It didn't _sound_ like one of the vocabulary words he'd been struggling to memorize with Yachi's help. Probably he'd forgotten it already. (Hand signals were easy because his mind intuitively connected the tosses and the meanings. If only his school subjects could relate to volleyball tosses; maybe his grades would be in the double digits.)

 

Hinata snorted, exhaling a white cloud in the cold air. "Nah, it's food, it's like western okonomiyaki. Or giant crepes," he stated importantly, puffing up his chest.

 

"Dumbass, why'd you ask me if you already knew the answer," Kageyama grumbled, shuffling forward again, shoulders hunched against the chill headwind. Hinata was wheeling his bicycle along the icy path, but still managed to speed up and cut in front of the taller boy.

 

"Natsu brought home flashcards of foreign food!" he announced. "Mom said she might try cooking some of them to help teach her all the words. Flapjack is a funny one to say! She's been saying that one all week, so it was stuck in my head…"

 

Kageyama tuned out as Hinata chattered on about his family. Hinata surely knew by now how terribly awkward Kageyama was at conversation, but he couldn't help but fill every silence with excited babbling anyway, as if he was trying to make up for it. Kageyama's mind wandered instead back to the afternoon practice they'd finished, though it kept supplying unhelpful details that had nothing to do with their success rates or improvement.

 

(Like the way Hinata's flyaway hair had stuck damply to the back of his neck, or the way the setting sun through the window transformed his irises to molten gold.)

 

He glanced curiously at Hinata now, noting the way his nose and cheeks were flushed pink in the frosty air, the way his voice kept getting louder with every phrase, the way he kept switching hands on the bike handlebars so that he could gesture wildly with his stories. Hinata didn't just talk with his voice; he used his whole body, pouring every ounce of his energy into projecting his emotions.

 

It was kind of exhausting to be around, but he didn't really mind, sometimes.

 

"Shut up, stupid," he mumbled under his breath, so that Hinata didn't hear.

 

* * *

 

 

Kageyama glared cross-eyed at the photo on the phone display shoved just beneath his nose.

 

" _That?_ That's called a pancake," he huffed.

 

Hinata smirked knowingly.

 

"Nuh-uh, it’s totally a flapjack."

 

Kageyama scowled. He rummaged angrily through the cupboard for a bag of rice while Hinata poured water, without measuring it, into the steamer. There was a winter storm rolling in that night, it said so on the news, so Hinata had gotten permission to stay the night at Kageyama's rather than risk the mountain path after dark in a blizzard.

 

They had the house to themselves, though, since Kageyama's mother was visiting his father in the city for the week. She left him some leftovers, but he'd already picked out all the meat, and vegetables alone were not enough to sustain two teenage boys after a day of volleyball. They were currently foraging as best they could in the kitchen. So far they hadn't accomplished much other than bickering.

 

"I'm telling you, 'pancake' is the name. Maybe your sister got it wrong," Kageyama muttered, slamming the lid on the rice cooker with more force than was necessary.

 

"Natsu likes to chant it. Fu. Rah. Pu. Jaah. Ku. Fu-"

 

"That sounds like you're trying to summon a demon!"

 

"Flap. Flap. Flap. Flapjack!"

 

"Shut up, dumbass!"

 

"…Flapjakageyama."

 

"Oh my god."

 

His arm shot out toward the mop of curly orange hair, but Hinata anticipated the grab and ducked. Kageyama lunged at his waist, tackling the smaller boy into the counter.

 

Hinata let out a whoop and flailed his arms, smashing into the pots and pans stacked by the sink. They tumbled to the floor in a cacophony of crashing metal and Hinata's shrieking laughter as Kageyama wrestled his arms behind his back. Hinata kneed him in the stomach and knocked the wind out of him, and then Kageyama spluttered and coughed and let go of his wrists to catch his breath.

 

For a moment they lay still, legs tangled together, panting heavily and grinning at each other, until they remembered what they were tussling about. Hinata's wide eyes were gleaming (that strange predatory light that Kageyama would never admit he found a little intimidating). Kageyama scooted back just an inch.

 

"You know what, Bakageyama?" Hinata challenged.

 

Kageyama scowled immediately, eyebrows creasing at the use of the nickname.

 

"I'm gonna make flapjacks for dinner."

 

"Well, that's impossible, idiot, 'cause you'd be making pancakes," Kageyama snapped.

 

" _You're_ a pancake!" Hinata yelled instantly. He scrambled to his feet, shoving Kageyama's head down so that he could spring up first. "I'm gonna make a flapjack and I'm gonna make you eat the whole thing and then you'll have to call it that and say I'm right!"

 

"Oi-!" Kageyama struggled upright, knocking aside the scattered pans in his way. "I'm not eating anything _you_ make. You'll poison me with your crappy cooking! I'll make a stupid pancake so you don't starve tonight because you don't know how to make anything!"

 

"Ha, as if _you_ can cook! Are you King of the Kitchen too, To-bi-o?" Hinata sang mockingly, sticking out his tongue.

 

Kageyama's cheeks flushed hot. He lunged for Hinata again, but the nimble redhead bounced out of reach.

 

"Nice try!" Hinata crowed. "We'll solve this with a cooking contest. I won't lose to you!" With a dramatic flourish, he unplugged the rice cooker, and planted his hands on his hips with a defiant grin.

 

"Fine, but only if using the internet is cheating. Turn your phone off," Kageyama countered, arms crossed. (Hinata had gotten a smartphone after Kenma showed him how to use one, but Kageyama couldn't be bothered to upgrade, and like hell was he going to lose because of _that_.) He smirked as Hinata gawped for a moment, obviously reluctant to give up his not-so-secret advantage.

 

"Fine, no recipes! We'll do it from scratch," Hinata agreed grudgingly, and dumped his phone on the counter. They eyed each other warily.

 

Kageyama's pulse quickened the way it did moments before their races to the gym. He wouldn't lose this one.

 

They tensed, then shouted together: "Three-two-one- _go!_ "

 

* * *

 

 

After a brief but vicious shin-kicking scuffle over who got which pan, the boys were grabbing everything they thought they might need and hoarding their supplies at opposite counters.

 

Kageyama had all the eggs. He was confident that this put him ahead of Hinata. (Cakes had eggs. He was pretty sure that was fact.) He thought he could probably trade a few for the stick of butter Hinata had commandeered. (Then again, how much was an egg worth in comparison to butter? Was there an exchange ratio? Hinata would never trade fairly.)

 

He flung open the cupboard doors. Hinata sprang up to see what was on the top shelf, as Kageyama elbowed him aside. His mother's cupboard had rice flour and cake flour. Hinata jumped up and greedily snatched the bag of cake flour as Kageyama hesitated.

 

"Is American flour different from Japanese flour?" the setter blurted, tilting his head at the label. There had to be something different if it was American food… right? His mother liked baking and might have mentioned something about it, but it was in one ear and out the other.

 

"Let me use my phone and I'll tell you," Hinata chirped innocently.

 

"Go to hell," Kageyama growled, and grabbed the rice flour. Cakes and crepes had flour. Okonomiyaki had flour. It probably didn't matter what kind when it all looked the same.

 

He dumped most of it into a bowl, and started cracking eggs into it. By the time he fished all the shell fragments out, he saw Hinata whisking furiously at his batter. Damn, did he fall behind? The setter glared at his bowl, trying to guess what else to add. Water, maybe, but it looked pretty wet already with all those eggs. Hmm. Sugar…? It was supposed to be a sweet food since they weren't adding cabbages or meat. He nodded to himself, and started spooning in sugar.

 

"Kageyamaaa," Hinata wailed. "My arm's getting tired and this is taking too long! This is harder than blocking!"

 

Kageyama snorted. "Mom doesn't have an electric mixer. Sucks to be you," he retorted.

 

Hinata jutted his lip in a pout. "Stingy. The butter's really hard from the fridge. Where's your microwave? I wanna melt it."

 

Kageyama jerked his thumb over his shoulder, attention focused on sugary matters. He dipped a finger into the goop to test if it was sweet enough. His face crinkled in disgust – raw egg and bitter flour. Quickly he emptied the rest of the sugar into his batter (and that way, Hinata's wouldn't be sweet enough and he'd win by default).

 

He stirred with the unused rice paddle, breaking the yolks into a runny mess and folding globs of flour into it. He wasn't sure what pancake batter was supposed to look like, so it was probably fine. This would be faster with the whisk, though.

 

"Oi, Hinata. You done with the whisk yet? Hand it over."

 

When he was met with uncharacteristic silence, Kageyama's head snapped up.

 

Hinata was fidgeting near the microwave, looking sort of… guilty? Uncomfortable? Kageyama faltered, not sure how to process the sudden shift from competitive rival to whatever this was. (Ah, he looked kind of like he usually did when he needed to run to the bathroom before a match.)

 

"…You know where the toilet is," Kageyama added helpfully. "Down the hall."

 

Then he looked into the microwave as a flash of light caught his eye. The whisk was still in the bowl.

 

The _metal_ whisk.

 

Metal in the microwave – _shit_ – _Hinata, you_ - _!!_

 

Sparks and flashes lit the room as the microwave hummed merrily on. Kageyama slammed his fist on the cancel button, just as the flour lit up in angry flames. Hinata squeaked in horror, clapping his hands to his mouth. Kageyama frantically met his eyes, lips flapping on empty syllables. What should he do? _What should he do?_

 

"Why didn't you take it out?!" Kageyama roared, grabbing Hinata by the shirt and lifting him bodily into the air.

 

"Owowow, stoppit, lemme go," Hinata babbled, clawing desperately at his wrists. "I didn't think about it! I was just trying to speed it up!"

 

"Mom's gonna kill me if the microwave breaks! We gotta put out the fire, dumbass!"

 

"D-dump water on it!" Hinata squealed, but Kageyama shook him back and forth.

 

"That'll break the microwave too! Shit! I don't know how to stop it! Call the fire department!"

 

"That'll take too long and they'll call my parents," Hinata wailed. "And I don't have enough allowance to buy your mom a new microwave!"

 

They both stared in helpless horror as smoke blackened the microwave window. Suddenly Hinata wriggled out of his shirt and dropped to the floor, scampering quickly toward the front door.

 

"Oi, don't run outside! It's snowing, you jackass, you'll get sick!" Kageyama bellowed, brandishing the shirt like a war flag. He was too panicked to consider why _that_ was his first thought in an emergency situation.

 

"I'm not running away, I'm holding the door open! Throw the bowl outside into the snow! Hurry!" Hinata hollered back.

 

Kageyama stared at the smoky microwave for one conflicted moment, and then steeled his nerves. He yanked the door open.

 

Black smoke billowed out, stinging his watering eyes and making him cough into his sleeve. On instinct, he threw Hinata's shirt over the smoldering batter, bundled it up, and then grabbed it with both hands.

 

"Oooooohhh-!" He yelled, dashing past Hinata into the cold night air. He flung the bundle with both hands like a high toss, and both boys stared as it arced into the darkness and landed neatly in a snowdrift.

 

They stood mutely in the doorway for a while, until Hinata's bare arms prickled with goosebumps and he began to shiver.

 

"Kageyama…" Hinata said reproachfully, sidling a few steps out of reach. "Was that… my shirt?"

 

Kageyama stiffened, his mouth twisting into an unreadable expression.

 

"You started the fire," he accused, and Hinata flinched.

 

"But now I don't have anything to wear!"

 

* * *

 

 

Kageyama's spare shirt was big on _him_ , so it was definitely too big on Hinata. The neck hole kept sliding off towards his shoulder and showing peeks of collarbone that Kageyama diligently kept trying to cover up. But Hinata adamantly refused to wear anything in the hamper, and Kageyama wouldn't have clean laundry until his mom got back home, as he tried explaining to Hinata. So that was the only shirt available.

 

Hinata swatted his hand away for the tenth time. "Stop fixing the stupid shirt, Bakageyama!"

 

"Why are you pissed," Kageyama groused, glancing away. "I'm the one Mom's gonna yell at for messing up the kitchen. I won't tell her you were here."

 

"Not that," Hinata sulked. "My flapjacks got thrown outside! You're gonna win 'cause all you gotta do is cook yours."

 

Kageyama snorted derisively. "Serves you right for putting metal in the microwave, dumbass. Everyone knows that it blows up."

 

He glanced down at the bowl in his hands. Victory was tempting. And Kageyama was stubbornly fixated on beating Hinata in all their stupid contests. But… the prospect of having to eat the unappetizing bowl he'd created was at odds with that stubborn desire to win.

 

The prospect of Hinata pouting all night for their sleepover was even worse. His mouth pulled into an awkward grimace.

 

"Uh…"

 

"What."

 

"…I don't wanna cook this. I'm throwing it out. I guess we're tied. Whatever."

 

"But I'm hungryyyy," Hinata whined, sinking dramatically to the floor. "Give it to me, I'll eat it! I'll eat it raw! I'll bike to Ukai's in the dark and get pork buns! I'll even eat the gross week-old vegetables you left in the fridge to spoil! Just don't let me starve, Kageyamaaa!"

 

Kageyama snorted. Hinata was always so loud. "Dumbass," he murmured fondly as he poured the goop into the sink.

 

"What was that? I can't hear you over the sound of my empty stomach," Hinata called, curling into a miserable ball. Then Kageyama's stomach growled, and he clapped a hand against it and glowered, willing it to be quiet. With his back to Hinata, he set two new bowls and chopsticks roughly on the counter.

 

"Just turn the rice cooker back on. We still have some eggs left," Kageyama announced, facing him with the bottle of soy sauce.

 

Hinata instantly reanimated and sprang to his feet, eyes practically sparkling with excitement. "Wait, do you mean-?"

 

"…Tamago gohan."

 

"Uoooooh!" Hinata cheered, pumping his fists in the air. "That's my favorite food, Kageyamaaa! Did you know that's my favorite?!"

 

Kageyama shoved him roughly off-balance in response. "Yes, idiot, that's what I was gonna make before you wouldn't shut up about your damn flap cakes or whatever they are!"

 

"You were gonna make it just for me? Aww, Kageyama is actually a kindhearted King of the Kitchen," Hinata teased, smiling broadly.

 

Kageyama stood stiffly at the counter, ear tips blushing pink as he turned away. "Sh-shut up," he spluttered. "Don't call me king."

 

He jerked ramrod straight when Hinata hugged him from behind. The warmth of a small face pressed between his shoulder blades, and he swore he could feel the smile through the fabric of his shirt. His blush crept up his cheekbones.

 

"Now what are you doing?!" he stammered, pushing weakly at the arms wrapped tightly around his torso. "This is like the only thing I know how to make. You don't even cook the eggs. It's not a big deal. S-stop it."

 

"Tah! Mah! Goh! Kah! Keh! Goh! Hah! Nn!" Hinata chanted brightly, poking Kageyama's ribs for emphasis.

 

Kageyama squirmed and fought to keep from laughing. His face was burning, and thank the volleyball gods that Hinata couldn't see the expression he was making.

 

"Knock it off, dumbass! Or I'll spit in your rice! Don't tickle me!"

 

"Make me!"

 

"What are you, five? Let me go!"

 

"Hurry up and make my food and then I'll let go! Tamago! Tamago! Tama-"

 

"Dumbass! Dumbass Hinata!"

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> *****~ THE MORE YOU KNOW ~*****
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> \- In the US, pancake & flapjack are different words for the same thing, like violin & fiddle. :3 There are regional differences elsewhere, but in this fic KageHina are arguing over the same food. 
> 
> \- What are [tamago kake gohan](http://www.lafujimama.com/2012/02/tamago-kake-gohan-egg-over-rice/) ([TKG for short](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamago_kake_gohan)) and [okonomiyaki](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Okonomiyaki)? Delishus! 
> 
> \- If you're making rice flour pancakes, it has no gluten so you need to add xanthan gum, potato starch, etc, to bind the ingredients together. Japanese wheat flour is usually calibrated for making cake OR bread, while all-purpose flour is used in most English-speaking countries, and is basically in the middle re: gluten content so it can be more versatile. 
> 
> \- Mix your wet ingredients (egg, milk, butter) before adding your dry (flour, baking soda, sugar). Melt your butter before starting. Don't forget and put your spoon/whisk/utensil in the microwave............. (please) 
> 
> \- If you ever have a microwave fire, the safest thing to do is unplug the microwave and leave it!! If you don't open the door, the fire will suffocate by using up all the oxygen. (One time my mom set a bag of popcorn on fire.............. that microwave still smells like scorched butter when you use it)
> 
> \- Wanna make your own [pancakes](http://www.food.com/recipe/pancakes-25690) from scratch? 'v' At least you can do better than KageHina! 
> 
> \- The shirt Kags is wearing in the artwork was a gift from Oikawa-senpai in middle school; it was meant to be insulting but Kageyama didn't realize and just wears it unironically bc he is a volleyball idiot <3 
> 
> Thank you for reading! 8D


End file.
